The Reason For The Season

In this time as we finish up our last minute shopping, I think it is important to stop and remember why we are running to a fro.This time of year has always been filled with happiness and wonderment for me. I remember a a child, I would sit up on Christmas Eve and stare at the gifts under the tree. Even after I stopped believing in Santa Clause, I was still filled with joy and anticipation during this season. Christmas morning was even more magical. I remember many times being yelled at by my parents as they tried to reign in my excitement. I didn't want to eat breakfast before I opened my gifts; I wanted them then and there.

Now that I am a bit older, and hopefully a bit wiser, I am still filled with anticipation and wonderment. But, for a different reason.  I enjoy spending time with family and friends. I really like looking at their faces as they open the gifts I'd gotten for them. You see, as a child I was excited for what i received; now I am excited about what I was giving. Of course, I still like getting stuff; who doesn't.

However, even with all this giving, I hear stories and see see first hand how stressful the holiday season can be. People a angry that the item they were looking for in a store is out of stock, treating sales clerks and associates with such disdain that I wonder if they even are considered human. Customers are fighting with each other; carrying on as if they have no home training. And some people are are throwing shade because they didn't get the gift they wanted.

Let us remember that the reason we celebrate this time of year is because God gave us his only begotten son. That gift was given onto us, gifts were in turn given to Him, and we in turn mimic that by giving gifts to others. Yes, we all like to get our flat screen TVs, new Cell Phones, jewelry and other sorts of brick-a-brack. But, for me, the important thing is that someone thought of me to give me a gift...period. It may not be exactly want I wanted, but I will appreciate it nonetheless. I will thank the giver with all my heart for taking the time to shop for a present just for me. But more than that, I will do my best to give a little of myself in every gift I give this season. Because that is what was done for me.

With that said, I hope more of us stay calm as we finish up our last minute shopping. But more than that, I pray that we all think about why we are shopping in the first place. It's not just because the sales are great or because "Timmy" says he wants a new toy. It's because we love the people we are shopping for and we are thankful we are able to bring some joy into their world as joy was brought into ours. Merry Christmas!!

ADDICTED: Connected and Disconnected

They say the first step to curing an addiction is to admit there is a problem… So, I finally got a Blackberry.  I have been resisting the urge to get one for many years, but finally got one after changing cell phone carriers recently. My 66 year-old father has had a blackberry way before having one was “cool”.  But my retarded self just got around to it.

Everyone kept telling me to get one, and I finally did. It was supposed to make me more connected.  I would be able to receive and respond to posts on Facebook, quickly send emails and texts and, of course, be linked up to Blackberry Messenger (BBM).  I would have the internet no matter where I was and could keep up with current events without having to lug around a bunch of newspapers and magazines. As soon as I got it, it became clear why people refer to it is ‘Crack-berry’.  I am glued to this thing. It’s the first thing I see when I wake up and the last I see when I go to sleep. It beeps and vibrates constantly, notifying me of appointments, new emails, texts and Facebook posts/comments. It even has something called “visual voicemail”.  I noticed that I get upset when I send someone a message and they don’t respond right away. I wonder to myself, ‘I know they have a smart phone/blackberry. They got the message, so why aren’t they responding?’ I have come to expect instant responses to my posts and messages. I play devil’s advocate with myself and say, “If you wanted an instant response you should have just called the person”.

The device that has made me more connected has also allowed me to become disconnected. You notice I said “allowed me”, as if the phone has influence over me.  Something an addict would say. I have become more disconnected because with all of the capabilities of this phone, I actually don’t spend that much time talking on it. I spend more time with my face buried in it, playing games and screwing around with applications, than having actual conversations with anyone. And when I do have a conversation, I find it difficult to keep up my end of the exchange; I keep having that awkward ‘dead air’ experience.

Texting, emailing and sending messages via BBM is really cool. I can have a conversation without saying a word. I have time to think of a response and can carry on an exchange while doing something else (like watching TV). This is the ‘disconnect’ I am talking about. During a “normal” oral conversation with someone, one is required to be totally focused on that conversation, (active listening); otherwise the other person(s) involved will not continue the exchange if they feel no one is listening/paying attention. But with texting and other forms of non-oral communication, the person on the other end of the conversation has no idea what I am doing, and vice versa.

Texting, BBM-ing and emailing has allowed me to mentally check-out of whatever discussion I am having. It’s not just me; this is evident in courting as well. People get asked out, cursed out, and even dumped via text/email. How sad! This is probably more prevalent among younger folks, but it has permeated my life as well. My fault, I know.

I was reminded of mentally checking out the other week when visiting with my girlfriend’s family. I had to be brought back to reality because while I should have been focused on the people in the room, I was focused on pixels on my phone, reading an article on NY Times’ website. Etiquette and manners somehow got changed, amended and revoked when I became addicted to my Blackberry.

Furthermore, lack of oral communication leads to misinterpreted statements. Take the word “OK”.  In a text, “ok” can be interpreted as being dismissive or excited or anything in between because the receiver doesn’t have the sender’s tone of voice as a reference. So you can imagine how more complex phrases can lead to all sorts of confusion. My BlackBerry is to blame.

I feel naked without it. I wonder how I survived in the world without a cell phone, much less a Blackberry. I feel just as lost without it as when I forget my wallet. With all the people I encounter on a daily basis, why does this inanimate object hold so much power over me?

My lack of connection extends beyond my BlackBerry to the virtual world as well.  Facebook is the perfect example of this.  We are supposed to be more connected because of Facebook, Twitter, My Space and the like. But these networks, along with BlackBerries and other smart phones, create a universe without consequences. People post hurtful things or broadcast the most personal and intimate details of their lives for all to see in the virtual world. Even though most of my Facebook Friends are really friends, many are also acquaintances that I probably wouldn’t want to spend must face-time with. The electronic connection I share with them is the upper limit of our relationship.

I find that because of my blackberry, even those people I feel I am close to end up being kept at arm’s length; or in this case, a digital arm’s length. I don’t like that. People shouldn’t be treated like pixels and data streams that can be deleted, forwarded or ignored.  I love my BlackBerry, but I also think that I need to spend more time using my phone for talking rather than texting, emailing or posting asinine things on Facebook. I hope others will join me. New Year’s resolution, anyone?

My name is Kevin Greene and I am an addict.