ADDICTED: Connected and Disconnected

They say the first step to curing an addiction is to admit there is a problem… So, I finally got a Blackberry.  I have been resisting the urge to get one for many years, but finally got one after changing cell phone carriers recently. My 66 year-old father has had a blackberry way before having one was “cool”.  But my retarded self just got around to it.

Everyone kept telling me to get one, and I finally did. It was supposed to make me more connected.  I would be able to receive and respond to posts on Facebook, quickly send emails and texts and, of course, be linked up to Blackberry Messenger (BBM).  I would have the internet no matter where I was and could keep up with current events without having to lug around a bunch of newspapers and magazines. As soon as I got it, it became clear why people refer to it is ‘Crack-berry’.  I am glued to this thing. It’s the first thing I see when I wake up and the last I see when I go to sleep. It beeps and vibrates constantly, notifying me of appointments, new emails, texts and Facebook posts/comments. It even has something called “visual voicemail”.  I noticed that I get upset when I send someone a message and they don’t respond right away. I wonder to myself, ‘I know they have a smart phone/blackberry. They got the message, so why aren’t they responding?’ I have come to expect instant responses to my posts and messages. I play devil’s advocate with myself and say, “If you wanted an instant response you should have just called the person”.

The device that has made me more connected has also allowed me to become disconnected. You notice I said “allowed me”, as if the phone has influence over me.  Something an addict would say. I have become more disconnected because with all of the capabilities of this phone, I actually don’t spend that much time talking on it. I spend more time with my face buried in it, playing games and screwing around with applications, than having actual conversations with anyone. And when I do have a conversation, I find it difficult to keep up my end of the exchange; I keep having that awkward ‘dead air’ experience.

Texting, emailing and sending messages via BBM is really cool. I can have a conversation without saying a word. I have time to think of a response and can carry on an exchange while doing something else (like watching TV). This is the ‘disconnect’ I am talking about. During a “normal” oral conversation with someone, one is required to be totally focused on that conversation, (active listening); otherwise the other person(s) involved will not continue the exchange if they feel no one is listening/paying attention. But with texting and other forms of non-oral communication, the person on the other end of the conversation has no idea what I am doing, and vice versa.

Texting, BBM-ing and emailing has allowed me to mentally check-out of whatever discussion I am having. It’s not just me; this is evident in courting as well. People get asked out, cursed out, and even dumped via text/email. How sad! This is probably more prevalent among younger folks, but it has permeated my life as well. My fault, I know.

I was reminded of mentally checking out the other week when visiting with my girlfriend’s family. I had to be brought back to reality because while I should have been focused on the people in the room, I was focused on pixels on my phone, reading an article on NY Times’ website. Etiquette and manners somehow got changed, amended and revoked when I became addicted to my Blackberry.

Furthermore, lack of oral communication leads to misinterpreted statements. Take the word “OK”.  In a text, “ok” can be interpreted as being dismissive or excited or anything in between because the receiver doesn’t have the sender’s tone of voice as a reference. So you can imagine how more complex phrases can lead to all sorts of confusion. My BlackBerry is to blame.

I feel naked without it. I wonder how I survived in the world without a cell phone, much less a Blackberry. I feel just as lost without it as when I forget my wallet. With all the people I encounter on a daily basis, why does this inanimate object hold so much power over me?

My lack of connection extends beyond my BlackBerry to the virtual world as well.  Facebook is the perfect example of this.  We are supposed to be more connected because of Facebook, Twitter, My Space and the like. But these networks, along with BlackBerries and other smart phones, create a universe without consequences. People post hurtful things or broadcast the most personal and intimate details of their lives for all to see in the virtual world. Even though most of my Facebook Friends are really friends, many are also acquaintances that I probably wouldn’t want to spend must face-time with. The electronic connection I share with them is the upper limit of our relationship.

I find that because of my blackberry, even those people I feel I am close to end up being kept at arm’s length; or in this case, a digital arm’s length. I don’t like that. People shouldn’t be treated like pixels and data streams that can be deleted, forwarded or ignored.  I love my BlackBerry, but I also think that I need to spend more time using my phone for talking rather than texting, emailing or posting asinine things on Facebook. I hope others will join me. New Year’s resolution, anyone?

My name is Kevin Greene and I am an addict.